Dear Mr. Trump,
Can I call you Devious Donald? Or how about just DD? I just want you to know how upset I am with all the lying in the Presidential election so far. Your lies are especially troubling because they are so constant and changeable. I don’t know if you know when you are lying or if it has just become a habit or if you have some kind of a mental challenge that disengages your anti-lying radar, but it is very upsetting. DD, is it just a political ploy? Do you believe that playing the buffoon who can’t remember what he said last week, to say nothing of last year or 10 years ago…do you think that will earn you votes? Well, whatever the case, I’m calling you out. A “really smart person” would not act in this way. He would be able to discern what is a fact and what is fiction. So let’s try the truth for a change, what do you think? Next Monday is the first debate between you and Hillary Clinton. I have a feeling you are going to feel compelled to lie for whatever reason.
So I’m sending you a gift. I know, I’m not going to vote for you and a lot of people would be upset with me if they knew I was giving you a gift, but I think this will be very useful and may add to the viability of the debate…it’s a roll of duct tape. So the trick is that every time you feel like lying, you rip off a piece and slap it over your mouth, therefore, proving that you can tell the truth. I know, I know, it will be a pain in the ass to do this, but maybe you can get one of your peons to rip the strips and another to slap it across your mouth. Isn’t that the sort of thing you don’t pay them for?
OK, DD, don’t get your shorts in a knot; it’s just an idea that might make this a more sensible election, and maybe prevent all the brouhaha that is inevitable down the pike when people start to realize how you have been deceiving them. It’s possible that your minions, the Anyone-But-Clinton crowd, don’t care that they have been deceived – whatever works, right? But DD, if you would win, you would be everyone’s President, not just leader of a gun-totin’, flag-wavin’, fist-punchin’, education-avoidin’, diversity-hatin’, powerless-feelin’, war-hopin’, race-resentin’ fringe. And the vast majority of the rest of us are on to you. We ARE smart enough to know fact from fiction, and it’s unlikely that we will be happy with a fictitious President.
If you’ll try my Duct tape suggestion, DD, people watching the debate will then either see how often you want to lie, but have trouble stopping yourself – that’s called pathological lying – but now you have a coping mechanism. And they will realize that you lie very, very, very often and that’s another hyperbole you can add to your The Donald image: “I went a fantastic university and did well. I’m very very smart and one of the most fantastic liars in the world.” Just think of it!! So give it a try. You know, DD, Duck tape is cheap, won’t break the federal budget, so maybe if you are elected President you can keep a few rolls hidden in strategic places around the White House to control your pathology when you need to. Just a thought.
I truly do feel an iota sorry for you. Did you know that the honesty is always ranks in the top 10 as an attribute people are looking for in a relationship partner? When honesty is missing so is trust. When trust is missing…well…there goes the relationship. The President and America are in such a relationship, DD. And if you are dishonest with us then we can’t trust you, and if we can’t trust you, well, there goes the relationship. Can you say low ratings (that’s media talk for “You’re Fired!”).
Well I got to run. It’s been nice, DD, talking with you when you aren’t really here, because I’ve actually gotten a few words in edgewise. Talking over others is another issue we should take up (it’s just rude), but we’ll leave it until next time. So with caring, but absolutely NO support, I leave you with these words from Mark Twain which it might be “very, very smart” to emulate, “I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not tell a lie. I can, but I won’t.”
A Midwest Anyone-but-Trump Voter
P.S. Did you know that Duct tape comes in all kinds of designs. I’m having trouble deciding which you would like better…blue with peace signs, tie-dyed rainbows or the always-popular desecrated American flag. I couldn’t find any with your face on it, which I know you would have loved, sorry. Let me know your preference.